Bigfoot is Real! (NOT!)

The very idea of a giant 10 foot tall ape man of lore running around the woods in Ohio (or anywhere for that matter), is indeed an intriguing concept. Who wouldn't want to see an unknown species appear before them? I think any and all of us think it would be the coolest experience ever. But that's the problem.

See, much like those ghost idiots, (more on them in another article) your average Bigfoot believer trains themselves to absorb any and all stories about the supposed hairy beast. Then they teach themselves to 'believe' all of it. Because it's their obsession. Deep down, they all know they are full of crap. But they drive on, obsessing over their hobby to the point of insanity. And many of these cult-like Bigfoot believers eventually get to the point where they generate stories of their own eyewitness accounts, often calling them "experiences", as if that tag somehow makes it more legit. (again, a ghost idiot tactic too) But by far the worst habit, is the excuses these people give for their pseudo beliefs when questioned. Here are a few:

1. "Just because you never had an 'experience', doesn't mean they aren't real!". Ah, yes. We already touched on this. But I had to mention it again. Because it's super annoying. At what point was the word "experience" pirated by the paranormal believers? For some reason, these people have believed for a while now that when using that word, any and all arguments against it are null and void. It's often spoken with a subtle hint of spiritual worship. Kind of in the way one would speak about a religious figure or someone who made an ultimate sacrifice. No, Bigfoot cult members. Having one of these fake "experiences" doesn't exclude you from the laws of physics and reality.

2. "Why would I come forward with my story? I have nothing to gain from it!". This statement is one of the biggest idiocies of the average paranormal believer. To actually claim that someone would have nothing to gain by "coming forward" with their sensational claims about Bigfoot or anything else, is completely stupid. And when it comes to Bigfoot, it's an outright lie. Sometimes these morons claim that the act of coming forward would make a mockery of them. Well, it should. But unfortunately in this day and age of a dumbed down populace, these people are often revered as some kind of holy Sasquatch gods. They often get their face on the news. Many times, they are contacted by complete wastes of time like the BFRO which serves to feed their celebrity status among other cult members. Oh, and if "coming forward" didn't offer any monetary gain as I've heard some claim, how do you explain this?:

The previous photo depicts the man known as Matthew Moneymaker. He is the author of the famous "Ohio Howl" audio tape. It is often claimed that the tape, being made in the early 90's, could not have possibly been fake. According to the Bigfoot fan boys, the technology just simply didn't exist back in the dark ages of 1994. Even though I and many others have been editing videos as well as audio since the early 80's, this just wasn't possible. More of the Bigfoot logic I guess. Anyway, Moneymaker went on to found the previously mentioned BFRO. A non-profit organization that he somehow made a big profit off of. And more recently, he starred in the Animal Planet series "Finding Bigfoot", where he and his team ran around the woods with thermal cameras beating on trees with sticks. Oh, and yelled into the woods like they were being constantly raped. And guess what? The team from "FINDING Bigfoot", never actually found anything. Except a $300,000 paycheck. And future paid appearances on numerous talk shows. And book deals. And merchandise. And since this all goes in a cycle, the fame drew more attention to his website, thereby generating more donations and more merchandise purchases. It looks like someone is set for life. Why come forward with a Bigfoot story? Nothing to gain? Really? Nice try! (I wonder if the last name, "Moneymaker", is a stage name? If so, is he rubbing it in?)

3. "The reason we can't actually capture one, is that they are inter-dimensional!". I will hand it to the Bigfoot lovers who use this one. At the very least, they accept the logic of our arguments. And they realize that the creature could not exist as claimed. But at the same time, they absolutely HAVE to believe in it. So, in order to avoid the responsibility that comes with the burden of proof, they come up with this. How convenient! They don't have to use any kind of evidence or even the perception of evidence to claim Bigfoot is real. When claiming that these things are from another dimension, they obliterate any chance of a real argument. In their feeble minds, they have "won" the Bigfoot debate by disabling any and all scientific scrutiny. Wow! What an awesome power! To be in denial about reality, but use your method of denial to force others to not be able to point out said denial, is genius. It's kind of impressive really. But also stupid!

Well humans, I think I'll end it here. I could go on all day. And if my sarcasm or violation of anyone's Bigfoot religion offended them, I would say I'm sorry. But I won't. Now I do realize there are some who really believe they may have seen something. To those I say an overactive mind in certain situations can and does trigger misinterpretation. In other words, the mind is an easy thing to fool. And with the proper stimulus in place, it happens a lot. You've been trained to believe that every noise not immediately recognized in the forest, is Bigfoot. You've been instructed to fear every shadow and every movement. Try to think logically and really dig deep and think about what you think you saw. There is a possibility that if you really truly sit down and remember that encounter, you may begin to relax and analyze what it really was. It might even remove some fear from your life if you face it. Give it a chance. You may be able to breathe easier.

To the rest of the Bigfoot people: Learn how the woods work and drop the fantasy! You're being ridiculous! Find a real hobby.

Until next time,

© Copyright 2021Archaic Archer